Confident, But Make It Cripplingly Self-Conscious

Subtitle: Because I can hype myself up and spiral in the same five minutes

There is no personality type more confusing—or more exhausting—than the woman who believes in herself wholeheartedly… until she catches a glimpse of her reflection or rereads a text she sent three hours ago.

Hi. It’s me. I’m her.

I’m the girl who walks into a room thinking “I own this place,” while simultaneously wondering if I should’ve worn the other jeans and if my laugh is too loud and if everyone secretly regrets inviting me. I hype myself up in the mirror like a motivational speaker and then spend the next hour convinced I’m being too much. Or not enough. Or both. Somehow.

And it’s not fake confidence either. That’s the wild part.

I know I’m smart. I know I’m funny. I know I’m good at what I do.

But I also live in a constant state of emotional side-eye like:

“Did I overshare just now?”
“Was that joke weird?”
“Why did my slick ponytail start cute and now I look like a greaseball rat?”
“Do I seem like I’m trying too hard?”
“Am I being perceived too aggressively confident… or too insecure???”
“Does this shirt make me look like I’m going through something?”
(Plot twist: I am going through something, but I’d like to appear mysterious and composed about it.)

It’s honestly a full-time job—this balancing act between inner hype woman and inner hater. I truly am Hater Kater, but mostly to myself.

One minute I’m slapping on lip gloss and dancing to "Maneater" like I'm EVERYONE's main character.

The next, I’m debating whether I need to issue a formal apology for the tone of my last Instagram story.

This isn’t about faking it. It’s not about lacking confidence.

It’s about being self-aware to the point of chaos. I know how I want to be seen. I know how I want to show up.But I also know people might misunderstand me.And that knowledge sits in the back of my head like a little theater critic with a clipboard.

But here's where I'm trying to land:

I’d rather be too much than watered down. (Right? Or not... whatever you think.)

I’d rather risk being cringey than be forgettable.

I’d rather show up fully, even if my voice shakes (or if my voice is fine but my brain is like “shut up shut up shut up”).

Because confidence isn’t the absence of insecurity.
It’s just choosing to show up anyway.

So if you’re also out here being THAT girl and successful and spiraling all at once—hi. I see you. We’re doing great.

And if this hits too close to home, here’s your reminder that both sides of you can exist at once:

You can feel confident and still crave reassurance.
You can love who you are and still worry how you're being perceived.
You can be so proud of how far you’ve come, and still feel awkward in your own skin some days.

Here’s what helps me (when I actually remember to try it):

• Stop explaining yourself so much. People who get you don’t need it. (Saying this one to myself, loudly.)
  
  

• Let your opinion of yourself be the loudest voice in the room.
  
  

• Laugh at the spiral. Literally name it out loud. You’ll feel ridiculous—in the best way. For example, my spiral yesterday morning? Her name was Emily. (Sorry if I know any Emilys.)
  
  

• Keep showing up. Even when you're unsure. Especially then.
  
  

You don’t need to shrink to be palatable.
You don’t need to perform to be liked.
You just need to keep being you—loud, quiet, confident, spiraly, chaotic, brilliant you.

It’s more than enough.
Even when you’re spiraling. Especially when you’re spiraling.

Now let’s go overanalyze this entire post after we publish it.

xo,
Kate